he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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