Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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