kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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