i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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