This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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