Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
