I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
