the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
