I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Welp...herpes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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