I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
