my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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