I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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