if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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