So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
