I got her a Nickelback box set.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
