Buhtt sex?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
