According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
