and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
