I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your penis caused this!
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