why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
