my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
