Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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