True but thats because hes a fetus.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
