And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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