I'm really into asian looking animals
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
