One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
