Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize