if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this beer tastes like vomit already
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
