you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
