I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
