Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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