I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
