So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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