I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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