Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
