I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
