i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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