bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
