Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
