i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
