what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
