I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
