Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
