I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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