You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how drunk are you?
Several
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
