so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
