legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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