if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
