It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That accounts for only three of the penises
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
