Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
