a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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