after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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