She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
