Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
