Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
