I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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