we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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