all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
