I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
