dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dick very happy bro
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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