You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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