There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
