so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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