And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
