I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
