You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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