UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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