Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
