Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
