How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
