im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
