I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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