covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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