I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
