i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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