Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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