I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
