Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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