Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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