They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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