I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
