New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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